America, F$%k Yeah!
Happy almost 4th of July my fellow Americans (and to all our Canadian readers, congratulations on being allowed to play baseball and football). Tomorrow we will have a big ‘ol 236th birthday party for this beautiful country of ours and that means BBQs, fireworks, parades, and pie, which all amounts to a day long sigh of relief that we don’t live in Bangladesh. Whew! This year I am personally using the 4th of July to whip my own patriotic zeal to a fever pitch just in time for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, or as I call it:
The War of 1812 Part II, Carnage on the Thames
That’s right folks, 200 years ago the dastardly British were capturing OUR sailors to serve on THEIR ships, so we did what any self respecting country would do and invaded Canada. Sure, the Canadians chased us out and the Brits burned our capital, but at the end of the day we were still standing AND we had a new National Anthem (and a new found taste for “Canadian” bacon, which, after some Italian immigration and the annexation of Hawaii, would give us Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza. What a f%$king country!) .
"Ha, our flag is still there you scurvy rogues. Fetch me my pen and paper!"
They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and this particular vengeance casserole has been in a deep cryogenic slumber, but this summer the Olympic Village will be our very own Trojan horse in the heart of the British capital. Think of that... undone by a trojan horse that you built yourself. You know what that is? IRONY you Limey toads! Didn’t you Brits invent that irony stuff? HA!
So as we celebrate this 4th of July, be safe, be thankful, have fun and get ready to enjoy the terrified cries ringing out through the streets of London, “The Americans are coming, the Americans are coming!”
And don't forget all the young Lassies the GI's deflowered prior to D Day as we saved their bacon in WWII!
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As a Bangladeshi-American Coug, I can definitely get on board with the statement: "Tomorrow we will have a big ‘ol 236th birthday party for this beautiful country of ours and that means BBQs, fireworks, parades, and pie, which all amounts to a day long sigh of relief that we don’t live in Bangladesh. Whew!"
No offense to the Motherland, what's not to like about BBQs, fireworks, parades, and pie (and most importantly...FOOTBALL)?
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BTW, the only building left untouched during the burning of DC was the Marine Corps Barracks at Eighth and I! My Devildog forefathers fought so courageously that those stinking Brits left it alone. Semper Fidelis and GO COUGS!
@Stiffmiester Semper fi indeed! I also think that president Madison personally commanded an artillery battery defending the city.
I eagerly look forward to the spectacle that is the fireworks in unincorporated Snohomish County. Lake Union is for tourists.
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@GeoffONeil Hey, I am in unincorporated Snohomish County. It was like a war zone last year on our street and by our cul de sac, never seen anything like it! They have been lighting them off since the weekend big-time around here and I am sure it will be good tonight. GO America!
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@SeanHawkins @GeoffONeil Oh yeah, its been like that for as long as I can remember. I didn't even bother going to Boom City this year, I am just going to plop a cooler full of beer down in my driveway and enjoy everyone else blowing the neighborhood to smithereens.
@GeoffONeil @SeanHawkins That's pretty much heaven right there. Of course, not for the pets. they really hate this holiday.
With the outrage over the medical insurance ruling, 50% of the country is moving to Canada anyway. Might as well invade the north so we can tax those who chose to flee! Blame CANADA for the state of our union! Great post Shaney. As Nike released their latest ad, IT'S ON!
@SeanHawkins Cancel that invasion! Canada is the Russia of North America... Armies march in, but never march back out. It's vast, rugged, cold, desolate and we'll never be able to muster enough French and Inuit interpreters.
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What a ridiculous and fantastically hilarious post! Viva America!
PS. Was Robert Plant the one who coined the phrase: "While you were pumping Iron, I was pumping Irony?'
