Good morning and Happy Hump Day, Cougs! Can you believe we're a mere eight days away from the start of Cougar football? Every year, I think the day will never come, yet slowly and surely, it always does. You may or may not remember that right around this time last year, I charted out a path through which the 2011 version of the Cougs would make it to a bowl game. You also may or may not remember that I turned out to be incorrect in that regard. The especially astute among you may also remember that I wasn't just incorrect, but spectacularly wrong about how last season would play out. For every projection I made, basically the exact opposite ended up happening. Fortunately, we're in a new era of Cougar Football. With excitement and hopes at near record levels, I think that even I can make up for past failures. Once again, I'm going to predict the entire Cougar football season before it happens, but this time I'm going to get it right. I pinky swear. I'm making my thinking face as we speak. Here comes the inspiration. Get ready to have your minds blown...after the jump.
@BYU - Loss; 0-1
Well turds. This is not exactly what I was hoping to see when I glimpsed into the future, but try as I might, I haven't yet been able to convince myself to chalk this one up in the win column. If I had to predict exactly how this game would play out (and I suppose I should, since I'm apparently in the bold prediction business), I think this one will play out something like the San Diego State and UCLA games last year. I can see us going back and forth early, maybe even hold a lead into the second half, but a porous defense and untimely mistakes on offense will be our undoing. Sorry, folks.
Eastern Washington - Win; 1-1
A pumped up crowd, the snazzy addition to Martin Stadium and an FCS opponent set up nicely to get the first W of the season. Am I slightly horrified of this game anyway? Yes. Yes I am. I wouldn't worry too much about that, though. Until further notice, I will remain slightly horrified of every game. The last several years of Cougar football have been like wearing a shock collar and I'm just not comfortable leaving the yard right now.
@UNLV - Win; 2-1
OK, not every game totally horrifies me. On the other hand, this trip horrifies me. A whole crapload of Cougs descending on Sin City? Hoo boy. The Cougs' winning is secondary to getting home in one piece. I'm counting on my big brothers to get me out of Vegas without any arrests and with my health in tact. I'm also counting on beating them soundly at golf. (Quick note from the author: Mom and Dad, I know you read this stuff so keep in mind make jokes about things. I'm not legitimately concerned with my health and/or safety on this trip. The golf thing is legit, though. They're going down.)
Colorado - Win; 3-1
After weeks spent disrespecting the Buffs and their dazzling array of non-talent, I can't very well expect that we'll lose to them at home. My real hope for this game is that I somehow become bulletin board material for Colorado. Spread the word, people! By the way, we're halfway to hypothetical bowl eligibility already. This is going well.
Oregon - Loss; 3-2
This figures to be my son Brady's first Cougar football game. He won't believe that to be true since he's been to each of the last two Spring Games so he fancies himself a grizzled old veteran at this point. I'll have to explain to him that the Cougars aren't playing the Cougars this time and this is the real deal. My Dad the Duck will also be in attendance with us. That's right, we're getting three generations of Huddies in the house and those mean ol' Ducks are going to spoil it by winning big. Well, it'll spoil it for two-thirds of us anyway. Either way...real nice, Ducks.
@Oregon State - Win; 4-2
As you may have read on This Here Blog before, this game is MASSIVE, when it comes to bowl hopes this season. (Fact check me on this, Hawk. I'm pretty sure it's true, though. Someone on This Here Blog really did point this out a while back, right?). Things shape up very nicely if we can get out of Corvallis with a victory. A loss means things could get pretty dicey pretty quickly, because...
Cal - Loss; 4-3
I don't see the Cougs as having a chance in this one. I'm not sure exactly why, but I keep getting higher and higher on Cal. Usually that doesn't happen without actually going to Berkley! Zing! But seriously, they've moved into the "no chance to win" category for me. I think I've been listening to Sutra too much.
@Stanford - Loss; 4-4
Uh oh. All of a sudden we're .500. This will be a key time for this staff to avoid any possible "Here we go again" syndrome. Imagine if that OSU game had been a loss and we're looking at 3-5 here. That's a scary proposition, no?
@Utah - Loss; 4-5
Man, this stretch in the schedule stinks. I can kinda see us winning at Utah, but in my heart of hearts, I think that's a real tough one. Maybe three months from now, when this game is actually about to happen, I'll view it differently. Oops, did I just point out the absurdity of this exercise? We should move on. Huge...quickly.
UCLA - Win; 5-5
Aaaawww, thanks Schedule Gods. It's totes adorbs that you are having UCLA come to Pullman in November. Classic!
@ASU - Win; 6-5
The ship has been righted! Also, the obligatory ship reference for this post is checked off the list. It's strange to think of a road game along the lines of, "Hey we should go down there and win", but that's how I feel about this one. Of course, the last time we all felt that way about a trip to Tempe....nah, nevermind. We won't talk about that. It's a new era and stuff, right?
UW - Win; 7-5
I'd very much love to become bowl eligible with a win at Martin Stadium in the Apple Cup, but I really do think this team has seven wins in them. Not to mention, it'd be awfully nice to get it out of the way sooner. Since the satisfaction of getting to a bowl won't come at the expense of the Dogs, I guess we'll all have to settle for the fact that this win will keep them out of one.