Wednesday, January 07, 2009

USC North or USC NOT?



Well, sports fans. The UW has finally completed its off-season mission of trying to become USC North.

Funny, when I was a wee lad watching Spider Gaines and Warren Moon down the big condoms, I thought the goal of UW was to BEAT USC, not become them.

Thankfully, these recent hires and developments by the Defeateds on behalf of the Defeateds have ensured that UW will neither beat nor become USC anytime in the near future. Here's why:


First and foremost: UW HAS NONE OF THE THINGS THAT CURRENTLY MAKE USC THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MAGNET IT IS TODAY.


Need proof of this claim? How about a quick run-down of the primary attributes of the Football Program at the University of Southern California.



1) In case you didn't know, USC is located right outside of the Hood in Los Angeles, California. This location makes USC the lifelong dream of every kid who grows up in an Urban locale anywhere in Southern California--one of the top 4 recruiting hot beds in the country. Moreover, USC's location near Hollywood and its relationship to several celebrity alumni make it attractive to kids all over the country that want 15 minutes or more of fame.

Last time I checked, Washington was not located in Southern California.

2) USC has FIVE DECADES of National Stature. Yep, a half century. USC was great in the 60's, great in the 70's, great in the 80's, pretty darn good in the 90's, and record breaking in the past decade. Washington was really good in the early 80's, great in the early 90's, and had one good year this decade. If this were a boxing match, let's call it a 3rd round TKO in favor of SC.

3) USC is Heisman Central. You wanna win a Heisman? Go to SC. You wanna go to New York? Go to Washington State.



Last I checked, the Huskies have sent NO ONE to New York even when they were great. So, if you want to strike a pose


you go to SC. Period.

4) Four and Five Star recruits go to warm weather--or they go to Ohio State. Its really that simple. Since scholarships have been reduced, warm weather teams have overwhelmingly been in National Championship games as well as the top 5. Sure there have been exceptions, but like home buying, its all about location, location, location. And Montlake sure ain't what it used to be.

5) USC motivates by both fun and fear. Everyone knows that Pete Carroll's enthusiasm is nothing short of infectious. Hell, I want to play for USC when I watch them play and I've grown up hating them my whole life. But the other factor that makes USC great are their famous OPEN WEDNESDAYS. Yep, every Wednesday, the whole team of 5 star parade All Americans strap it on to determine who starts EACH WEEK.

You wanna cool those bandits down a bit? How about putting each player's job on the line every stinking week! And you know what? Each player knows that the staff means business because SC WILL WIN with you or without you. Its plain. Its simple.

And its PROVEN.

Which brings us back to the little Defeateds.

You wanna know what it takes to re-build a last place program (which it IS by record for this decade) into an upper division team?

It takes development. It takes recruiting 2 star kids and making them 3 star kids. It takes recruiting 2 and 3 star kids and making them into NFL players.

And you know how you do that? The EXACT way that Coach Paul is doing it with our program right now.

You go on the road, you build air tight relationships with high school and community college programs, and you build the darn thing up brick, by brick, by brick. And as we know, it is a slow and VERY painful process.

Yep, the key for the UW's fortunes in this coaching cycle was to hire a builder.



Instead, they got his opposite.

Case in point:

Let's take a look at their newest hire:



In addition to setting a record for the most "awesomes" ever recorded in one press conference as he did yesterday, the former lead singer of Midnight Oil also



talked about his preference for having full contact drills each practice for the entire season next year. Really? Think that'll work with the bodies they've got on that winless roster of theirs?

Last time I checked, when teams that are not 17 deep and try to do that kind of stuff, they wind up having nationally publicized try outs for quarterback at Week Six of the season. Moreover, the last time that tricky Nicky was charged with a development project, it didn't work out so well did it? (although his dome sure was perfect for the University of Spud Hub, no?)

So, in a nutshell, when you try to make Walter Matthau



into Brad Pitt



you run the risk of getting a really ugly outcome:



And such is the case with the Defeateds. They shot for the stars and got a constellation of White Dwarfs.



So, watch the recruiting wires in the coming months and years: If this group can't land 4-5 star guys in the next two, then this is a train wreck just waiting to happen.

And I for one am looking forward to Episode I of that sixteen car crash around the week of November 22nd next year.

Nice job of keeping alive your current streak of wonderfully bad coaching decisions.

Losers.

14 comments:

TiltingRight said...

"No Question" that I'm underwhelmed by the pick, but I doubt I'd be surprised either way... successful or not.

The key will be in the next year or two, whether the Ewe starts put some of the ridiculous cash they're throwing at unproven coaches into the facilities in Montlake. If they get on the ball and upgrade, upgrade, upgrade, they may get on par with Oregon in the next 5 years or so.

I think another reason UW won't be USC North is because they've got to compete with three other legitimate NW schools for recruits (assuming Paul Wulff turns things around as well). When UW was winning, Oregon State was a JOKE, Oregon was close, and WSU was meh. The landscape is totally different.

Stiffmiester said...

Sports Link has a great article on Boltin Holt and it really shows this guy for the POS he is. If he keeps up his recruiting practices then the defeateds will be back on Proby status soon.

Sedihawk said...

The whole deal where he quit to go to the Rams and then changed his mind was odd. I read about that a few days ago and they never really explained it all that well. Nick Daschel's column at that Buster Sports is a pretty good look at it.

http://www.bustersports.com/pac10posts.aspx?id=1939&blogid=79

I don't know where you live Stiff, but the Seattle media slurpage on Holt and Sarkisian is off the charts. Vince is right, FSN played the presser of Holt TWICE!? I know they have their studio in Bellevue but wow. Last year they probably ran a 10-second clip of Wulff saying his famous Cougs Hunt-n-Kill tagline from his press conference, and then Angie Mentick quickly went to an in-depth story on the 10th man off UW's bench or a walk-on QB's challenge of watching Jake Locker start every Saturday. Whatever. It should be Seattle Sports NW.

Maybe it's because it is a slow sports news time of the year in Seattle, but they are diving face first and praising everything UW right now. I told Brinkhater I flipped on KJR, just for a second the other day, to hear one of their guys proclaim "this is the greatest couple of weeks in UW history or at least since the turn of the century" or something like that. Yes, I quickly flipped it OFF.

I also heard John McGrath before new year's actually compare Steve Sarkisian to BARACK OBAMA! Just amazing. Funny, UW shells out $3 million in salary for their power football trio, yet cries poor mouth in Olympia and that King County taxpayers should write them a check for $150 million? The arrogance of these guys is just amazing.

Stiffmiester said...

Sedi,
Luckily I live in Tri Cities and live in the heart of cougar country. I grew up on the Wetside and had to hear all the Husky Honks spew purple. The whole deal on the stadium money has everyone over hear seeing red. Hopefully good ole Frank "pork" Chopp will cut this funding off like he has all other attempts to get money for sports stadiums. Who knows maybe Clay-Clay will move them to OK.

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen anything on the UW stadium in the Seattle news for some time. I suspect with the state budget cuts and the well publicized load of cash the UW football team is throwing around that the state funding idea is just about dead.

Anonymous said...

It's pretty funny how they are trying to build a program by hiring all of USC's assistants.

I also love the logic (all over the place in Seattle) that because you pay a guy 2 mil/yr, that makes him worth 2 mil/yr, and no longer an unknown quantity. But I guess that's what you have to do to get coaches when you are 0-14 and have a history of NCAA sactions and firing the coaching staff every 2-3 years.

Angry Rapper said...

Did someone, anyone say luckily I live in the tri cities...?

I hate the cougars but the dogs equally as much and you guys are right. Holt has some skeletons. Look at what he did to my Vandals. 17 thugs who stole cheated and everything else. He has his chance now and they will see what happens.

kaddy said...

I agree with everything said, but holy cripes, an entire column dedicated to the piss and purple? Must be REALLY slow...

Sedihawk said...

It IS REALLY SLOW!

That said, this isn't the time of year you want a bunch of headlines, though, if you aren't playing in a bowl, right? Other than recruiting stuff here and there it's pretty quiet.

And this will be IT for UW-related stuff. But don't you want to know what we think about what they are up to and how the Seattle media has wrapped their arms around all-things-Montlake? Don't you want a WSU reaction?

kaddy said...

I know...I just don't like giving them any more attention than they already get.

Brinkhater said...

Just so I'm on record: Cal 66 WSU 48.

BornCoug said...

I expect the press conference was for recruiting purposes to show the "big" hire and how great Sarkisian was doing bring the Dawg's back to the top "where they belong". I think it is somewhat interesting how big deal is being made for Holt. UW fans are saying they have the best DC in the country when I thought it was relatively common knowledge that Carroll was of course SC DC.

That doesn't mean he isn't a good hire and obviously the same deal with Sarkisian. It's just pretty much a total unknown at the moment. The only thing they have to sell is the USC angle. It seems somewhat empty for the all the reason stated in the blog entry.

Anyway, I wish they had gone with Leach or Pat Hill for that matter. Would have been concerned with Whittingham or even Peterson. I guess Sarkisian is somewhere in the middle.

USC North. Have Dawg fans forgot about Florida State west? I guess that was a few scandals...I mean coaches ago so who can blaem them.

;)

Brinkhater said...

Ditto BC. Kelly or Whittingham would have been really scary.

Ditto Turner Gill. Any of the dudes who have a record of building programs from the ground up.

Time will obviously tell, but this hire favors us big time, I think

BornCoug said...

How could I forget Turner Gill? When I asked on a Dawg message board about him the response was "he's not a fit". Pinkel wasn't a fit 4 years ago either and look what happened? I think it is pretty obvious they don't know how to run a search. I think going with the SC staff is to try to save face if the program doesn't get any better. They can say we went after the best and it didn't work out. What more can we do?