Friday, October 24, 2008

Breaking News: WSU Football Blog Enters Highly Contested Race


WASHTUCNA, WA - Professional sports writers beware. On Thursday, on a glorious fall evening in the greater Washtucna area, WSU Football Bloggers "Brinkhater" and "Sedihawk" officially announced their joint candidacy to be crowned top Washington State College Football Writers for 2008.

The two join an already talented pool of candidates that include the twin bills of Jim Moore and Molly Yanity of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Bob Condotta and Bud Withers of the Seattle Times, as well as the Vincent Grippi-John Blanchette conglomerate of Spokane's Spokesman Review.

While the two announced that more specific details of their candidacies would be announced in the coming days, Brinkhater used the initial press conference to go on the offensive. Vincent Grippi, the top scribe of WSU Athletics of the Spokesman Review, was Brinkhater's primary target.

"For too long now, WSU Nation has suffered the wrath of the stodgy, outdated ideas and journalistic methods of Vincent Grippi and his other colleagues from the State's major newspapers. So, after careful consideration and with the full blessing of our families and spiritual advisers, we are here to declare our intention to run for--and win--the state's top award for College Football Sportswriters."

Pundits were shocked by the announcement. Nobody knew that the award existed, that it was up for grabs, or that there would be any type of public election. But citing a need for change, Brinkhater's declaration "should serve as a warning for all mainstream media types that everything is on the table. And to my fans all over the globe, please be assured that help is on the way."

Meanwhile, reaction began pouring in from all over Cougar Nation. "I had no idea you could even do something like this", said Bud Nameck, WSU football sideline reporter. "But having said that, I can't disagree with any of it. Brinkhater and Sedihawk really are a breath of fresh air. Each week I let them into my home with their columns and predictions, filling the deep void left by the lack of mainstream media's ability to inform and entertain. I mean, I can read notebooks or get links to other stories about WSU pretty much anywhere. But I think that perhaps some of the old acts have grown tiresome. In these troubling times, we really need a change."

When reached at his palatial Tacoma estate last night, longtime WSU football announcer Bob Robertson said "I don't know who Brinkhater is, and quite frankly, I don't care for blogs, message boards or the Internet in general. But where Vince Grippi of the Spokesman is concerned, well, he has a long history of being an honest beat reporter who gets the facts straight. OK, so he blogs about his family outings with his Dad when the Cougs travel to UCLA and muses about problems at his apartment in Pullman during home games. But who doesn't want to read about that?"

When asked if his statement reflected his infamous dark sarcasm, Robertson quickly stammered into a play-by-play call of a three-yard gain by former WSU running back Frank "Magic" Madu, "weaving his way up the middle and lunging out to the 42-yard line!" When asked what he meant by the description of the Madu carry, Robertson replied "Who? What now?" before abrupty ending the call with his trademark "always be a good sport, be a good sport always" catch phrase.

In a prepared statement, WSU Football Blog contributors "Longball" and "Hooty McBoob" roundly endorsed Brinkhater and Sedihawk for the honor.
"Brinkhater has been an outstanding blogger on the WSU landscape for many wonderful years. And his record speaks for itself" said Longball. "We would be thrilled to see him and Sedihawk assume the top spot in WSU Nation."

Said McBoob: "Who else on the planet has been able to acquire an amazing 46-2 record picking WSU Football and Basketball games? Even though I hate the sport of basketball, I cannot deny Brinkhater's greatness. And Hawk, wow. Have you seen the stuff he's done this year? And in our worst year EVER? The daily content is better than ever! And as Brinkhater himself has said, this is a time for change. "

Throughout the press conference, Brinkhater continued to fire shots across the bow of the Grippi campaign, calling the self-described aging and balding former athlete "out of touch with his audience." Brinkhater then touted his own 46-2 record picking Cougar football and hoops games over the past two years. "I simply ask you all to look at the record, and compare it to Grippi's. I think that when people open their minds and review our respective accomplishments, the WSU Football Blog will become the people's obvious choice."


The Grippi-Blanchette campaign had no immediate reaction, perhaps because there isn't a true Grippi-Blanchette campaign. Vince Grippi appeared, like many others, to be completely unaware that there was such an award or that there would be an election.

When reached at his home late last night, after several moments of stunned silence, Grippi tabbed the situation as "outrageous" and refused to comment further pending a morning meeting with his Spokesman advisers.

Election Day is Tuesday, November 4th. Polls open for early voting starting the morning of Friday, October 31, 2008. Every vote counts.

'til then....stay Tuned.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

No doubt who the cutest bloggers are. Hubba hubba. I like the humor which is a thing I need right at the moment. Thanks.

Cougar Jen

Brinkhater said...

Thanks, Jen.

Just finished up a morning rally in Garfield, WA, and now we're headed on to Dayton. Later today, we'll begin our trek to SW Washington for a series of rallies over the coming days.

It goes without saying that we really need your vote, Jen, as well as the rest of Cougar nation. Remember, polls open in a week.

Sedihawk and I will work tirelessly for you.

That's a promise and a fact you can count on.

Hooty McBoob said...

I've been misquoted and demand a retraction!

Seriously - I belive my actual quote was "Pull my finger."

How could that possibly be twisted around into the string of rhetoric with which I've been credited?

Sedihawk said...

ALREADY some infighting?? This thing is NOT going well. Thanks a lot Victory Bell. We're gonna get killed.

Vince Grippi said...

Why do you hate me?

Victory Bell said...

According to published reports from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, the latest Gallup Tracking Poll has the following results in the race for Washington State College Football Writer of the Year:

Condotta-Withers (Seattle Times) 31%
Moore-Yanity (Seattle PI) 28%
Grippi-Blanchette (Spokesman Review) 27%
Brinkhater-Sedihawk (WSU Football Blog) 16%

In addition, the report suggests that a person from the Withers-Condotta campaign accused Jim Moore of being negligent on several large cash payments to fellow PI reporter Art Theil.

Stay tuned for how these developments might impact a very tight race.

'03CouveCoug said...

Looking forward to the whistle-stop in SW Washington. We Cougs down here need some "Change We Can Believe In," for our WSU news and entertainment needs. I can't wait to chant the "Brinkhater-Sedihawk" name while you're stumping in my neck of the woods!

Longball said...

To all the Joe Sixpacks (of Busch Light) out there, we cannot afford to get complacent. According to that gallup poll above we've got them right where we want them, but we need all hands on deck to make sure we win. That means you too, Mr. McBoob. Lets make sure we send a strong message to these micro-brew sipping, mainstream media elites from Spokane that come November, the good folks from the pro-Cougar parts of the country are taking back the Cougar Nation!

Mr. Grippi said...

Why do you hate my boy?

Portland Coug said...

Get a "grip", Vince. They don't hate you here, clearly. They link to you and even have a direct feed to your work! if you hate someone you dont do that stuff. it's called a sense of humor. Look it up on wikipedia.

Wow guys, the Bud Nameck endorsement is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE. That alone is going to move the conservative base. I know you are trailing in the polls but still alot of time to make up. Nearly two weeks until the election is a lifetime. cannot wait to see you stump in vancouver as I will happily cross the bridge to check that out!

GO COUGS!

AP Wire said...

Mount Vernon, WA-- In the campaign's first controversy, Brinkhater comes under fire for refering to "Real Cougs" while addressing a crowd at the WSU Extension.

The Moore/Yannity campaign took issue with the statement, asking: "Who the hell are these clowns?"

Grippi > Brinkhater said...

i am struggling with this as i dont know what is worse - brinkhater trying to be funny or brinkhater trying to be serious. both are epic failures.

i cannot wait to vote against you.

Sedihawk said...

Grippi greater than, it's cool. If you hate Brinkhater so much, don't worry. You will have the opportunity to vote against him/us next week.

Meanwhile we'll be coming to a small WA town near you. Maybe you can come out and meet Brinkhater?

nicholas said...

"For too long now, WSU Nation has suffered the wrath of the stodgy, outdated ideas and journalistic methods"

Truer words have never been spoken.

Anonymous said...

Brinkhater speaks negatively of the Cougs often, and leaves it up to sedihawk to spin the positive. Let's be honest, he is such a schmuck, he uses Kirk Cameron as his alter ego. What is he a chick from the 80s? Hmmmmmm....makes you wonder. If this blog were just him, I would never read it; he is not a true COUG!

DR Jones said...

Funny. Weird, but funny.

Put me squarely in the undecideds. I need a lot more information before I blindly throw my support.

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