Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Brinkhater Diaries: Miller High Life

Brinkhater Diaries Vol 1 (7)


“Dear Diary:

This has been the most amazing week of my life!

For the past week, I have sat at the site meter of the WSU Football Blog and watched the numbers light up like a slot machine.

One hundred, two hundred, five hundred, one-thousand, two-thousand hits a day! And from all over the world!

I mean, Diary, can you really believe it?

My evil plan is working! World Domination is clearly in sight!"

-- Diary Entry June 23, 2008

Ah, but just a few days later, as Obi Wan doth noted when the Death Star obliterated the planet Alderon...

"There was suddenly silence....."


You know, when we first started this blog (my uncle Sedihawk and me) we did so for two REALLY important reasons.

The first really important reason? Sedihawk thought that a blog would be the perfect platform for writing about the Cougs all day without having the correspondence be traceable over our respective company e-mails.

And he was right!!!!

But the second reason was mutually understood, yet at times painfully unspoken:

BOTH Sedihawk and I desperately wanted to be Ted Miller.

For Sedihawk, the reason was (and is) totally altruistic: Hawk wanted to cover the Pac-10 with the precision, insight, and poise that Miller routinely exhibited then in his column at the PI as he does now writing 6 newspaper articles a day at ESPN.com

As for me, well, my visions of being Miller-like were much more juvenile (surprised anyone?).

After all, I didn’t want to be like Ted for the writing.

Hell, I can't write to save my fricking life!

Instead, I wanted to be like Ted so I could be cool!!!!

How cool, you ask?

Well, cool enough that I could spend last week singing “That’s Amore” at some fancy restaurant on someone else’s dime like Miller did with all of those other good sportswriters, coaches, and players the night before Pac-10 Media Day!

Mind you, that wish (and urge) was not directed toward an infatuation with college age students like Jake the Snake.

Heck, that's Cougfan's role in the world.

Instead, I wanted to hang out and partake in those shin digs so I could get trashed with the likes of Thiel,Miller, the Go 2 Guy, Groz, Gas, and dare I say Benedict Condotta. I mean, we could toss a few back, play a little “Stump the Schwab” type game

complain about sore backs, trick knees, nagging spouses...

And of course, make a LOT of fun of the Huskies!

(and THAT would mean making a lot of fun of Condotta).

At any rate, it really became all too apparent that the ONLY reason for our rush of “hits” last week was because our man, Ted Miller, threw us a few national-size bones and the pack came and went.

Oh, the scourge!

You know, Warhol said that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.

But do any of you know what it feels like to get 8 minutes of intense infamy and then get left out naked in the 110 degree cold of Northern California?

I mean, "Damn you, Ted Miller!" How could you leave me like this?

Shoot, it was JUST two measly weeks ago we were on your short list, and now, you don’t bring us flowers anymore?!

But rather than revile you, I thought I’d take a quick look down memory lane to let everyone in the world know HOW MUCH WE WANT TO BE YOU!!!! (And truly this is no joke!)

So, here’s a pic of when Ted when he came into my life:


This is what I call “Cool Hand Luke Ted.”

There’s no dancing or messing around with this Ted: We’re talking about a pure North-South glare AND hairstyle. Although a bit cropped, this is the true-blue “blow dry and brush straight back” job with the do.

Solid, solid reporting during this period about the Huskies. It made me a bit uptight. But man I wanted to be you, Ted....Man, I wanted to be you!

Phase Two of Ted is the “Jet Set Ted.” This Ted is more of the sports coat, no tie Ted.

I also really liked this Ted:



As you can see from the mug shot, this Ted is a little more cunning as exhibited by a bit of an east-west look to the hair. You can also see that Ted’s face is a bit more rotund at this particular phase.

I’m betting that this is about the time that Ted got his first raise and finished his first year with Mrs. Ted.

Still great sportswriting here as Ted expanded his role outside of pure sports reporting to some columns about other sports as well.

“I love you, man!”

Phase Three Ted is a much more relaxed, “coming into his own Ted.” This is a good Ted, although much more reclusive. This shot depicts much more of the rugged outdoor type version of Ted hallmarked by a switch from east-west to a west-east hairpart. Solemn, masculine, with a bit of mystery, don't you say?


Needless to say, this is also a classic, if not Vintage, Ted.

Man, is he great or what?!

Finally, we have the au currant version of Tedliness:

At first, I thought maybe that this was a bit of a metro-sexual version of Ted—aka “The Rick Bucher Ted.”

But, really this is just the "Kind, sensitive, gone-Yoga-on-me, cuz I live now in Arizona and I'm the BEST FRICKING PAC-10 WRITER EVER!!!!! Ted"

This Ted is less elusive in his looks, although he did stay with the West-East look on the hairpart. But what’s really striking is the nice tan, and the bit of the strawberry blonde thing. Very nice.

I also like girl-tease like he’s not wearing a shirt when the photo was taken.

“Very Nice!”

In any case, I’ll look forward to having you here on this Blog when we get seventh or better, Mr. Miller.

In the meantime, whether you like us or not, we’ll always be fans, and it will always be “Miller Time" round these here parts....

Switching from High Life to Low Life, how about the News this Week that Clay Bennett and his boys have closed in on a new name for our dearly departed SuperSonics. And WOW! was I surprised at the genius of what they came up with:

THE THUNDER!

As you all know, I was somewhat aghast at the previous moniker “The Barons” since I really couldn’t understand why Bennett would want to name a team after current NBA All-Star, Baron Davis.

But, “The Thunder” was perfect. They must be naming the team after CHOCOLATE THUNDER--my main man, Daryl Dawkins!

Yet when reading the story there were no words about Dawkins’ history of ripping rims off of backboards, shattering glass, making Mike Gminski cry after calling him a "sissy" in practice. Nothing.

Instead, I was left to realize that those stupid, retarded, rich bastards are actually on the brink of giving an NBA franchise the name of a really, really bad and badly named U-10 soccer team.

I mean, sit at your desk and mouth to yourself as loud as you can “Go Thunder!”

How cool do you feel?

Next try saying with a bit of force, “Thunder rock!” Or “Lets Go, Thunder.” Or “We love Thunder!”

Horrible. Horrible. Horrible!.

But as if that name isn’t bad enough, and as if the NBA doesn’t stink enough as is, consider opposing city’s chants regarding their other lead possibility: “The Wind.”

Can you see the Headlines “Blazers Blow Out the Wind.” Or even worse, “Spurs Break Wind….”

Finally, the Best Person in the World award this week goes out to our own Coach Paul.

As many of you know, Coach Paul declared that while Rogers has the lead at QB at the moment, Lopina is right there and going to see action.

For those of you worried about a QB controversy, don’t fret a bit. Rogers is going to have a nice long leash.

BUT, Coach Paul’s statement does indicate that the days of seniors and nice guys getting “their due” is over. Instead, you can see that the re-culturing of our program is really taking hold and that better days are already upon us.

Hard to believe, but the season begins next week.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I also am so glad that the season is starting soon. Does that mean that we get to be spared of these ramblings? I thought that this was a football blog.

How about some posts, Hawk?

Anonymous said...

I also think that "The Wind" blows.

Does anyone care about the NBA anymore?

Sedihawk said...

I love the chiseled mug-shot of Miller more than the tanned Arizona version. Definitely more threatening with the lantern jaw. Where did you find these Brinkhater??

Never fret on the lack of posts. We'll be piling on soon enough.

Finally, the NBA - it is kind of amazing how little it matters right now. It's mid-summer, and the league is out of sight, out of mind in the NW. I know we just ride the waves of emotion, but right now you would have a hard time getting much interest in the NBA anywhere outside of Portland in the NW. The horse has left the barn, the door has been closed, and short attention span nation will move on to the many other things. I don't miss it right now....but I have a feeling it will swing back around come November and we're inundated with sportscenter highlights of Kevin Durant throwing one down or raining 3's in black OKC jersey. That will suck. But it's all on getting a new building in one way or another, then having Ballmer hi-jack Memphis in time for the 2010 season. But who gives a rip. Next week camp starts! And we're just a mere 30 days from the season opener! WOW.

Anonymous said...

Didnt obi wan first say he heard a million voices scream as they ate the wrath of grand mof tarken? hi I'm DARTH Maul. Or is it sideus? Grow up.

Get off Condotta while you continue to poison america with your bitter, angry takes on the world. He has covered too many teams to count and he works for the times, not us you twit. You would take a professor job in seattle in a ny minute and you know it. Benedict brinkhater has a ring too it.

Brinkhater said...

Anony:

1) If I tease you, I love you.

Plus, B.C and I go WAY back, so he knows its all in good fun.

2) Benedict Brinkhater does have a nice ring "too" it!

Seriously, I like it a lot!!!!

Consider it adopted.

nobody cares said...

I forgot to add that I love the Schwab! KJR Dave Grosby's fatter, lazier brother who knows something beyond what's in the Times. Grosby's knowledge amounts to a folded over piece of paper found on the men's room floor after a thirty-minute three-flusher.

Brinkhater, I kid, I kid. You are a nice slapstick diversion. Like any helicopter parent, yo momma must be proud of you, bragging up your junior-high nonsensical hijinks with the rest of the yentas when she is off to market. Get a trophy for you impeccable record picking wazzu last year?

Hooty McBoob said...

Contrary to the old saying, I actually LOVE to say "I told you so!"

Back in April, after watching the Spring "game" it was very obvious that we ran different types of plays depending on what QB was behind the center.

http://wsufootball.blogspot.com/2008/04/spring-has-sprung.html

I'm actually very excited to see Lopina, who looked to have more ability to "create offense" than Rodgers, who is more of a straight drop-back guy.

Either way, it's going to be a fun offense to watch.

Butch Williams said...

Maybe if I break up my terrible writing with some un-funny pictures, than no one will notice that I a ruining this blog more and more with each post.

Maybe someone else can explain it... Is Brinkhater trying to be like Alex Brink and make the blog unreadable the same way Brink made Cougar Football unwatchable. Is Hawk going to leave and go to a University of Montana blog?

Please stop posting BH. You are not funny, uninteresting and a general rambling blowhard. The Softy of Wazzu. Get off our side

Brinkhater said...

"Softy" huh?

You know, Dave is a really, really good friend of mine and has been for a long, long time.

And I know that he wouldn't take any type of crap from a kid like you, who isn't and doesn't know Clarence, and who has nothing to add about the brilliance of Ted Miller.

So, if you want to mess with Softy, then take it right to him.

We'll see how you do then, tough guy...

My guess is that Dave will kill you.