Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The problem with Lofa Tatupu

Hey Hawk,

Let's just say - hypothetically speaking - that on some random weeknight, I just happened to be a little boozy and I got this random thought in my head that I just HAD to get off my chest. Would it be OK if I blogged about it?

Thanks, Buddy!

OK, if you're a Seahawks fan, you probably love Lofa Tatupu (or at least appreciate the USC scum) for the way he plays the game. We Cougs, have grown to revere the under-sized, mile-a-minute head-knockers in the middle of a defense. (Take your pick: Childs, Gleason, Davis, et al...)

Lofa waltzed into the NFL with a nasty case of small-man's disease and immediately started making plays. It takes a lot for a rookie middle linebacker to make the Pro Bowl - probably in part because not many teams turn that position over to a rookie - he did it and is now working on his third Pro Bowl in a row to start his career. Dude's a flat-out stud.

So here's the problem with Lofa Tatupu. Okay, hold on. There are actually two problems with him if you count the fact that every time I hear his name I think of Mrs. Smails in the shower..."Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?"

But the REAL problem with Lofa Tatupu is that he has no facial hair. Seriously, there are kids on Mini McBoob's Tiny Mites team that look meaner than him. He needs some whiskers - and I mean more than just a 5 o'clock shadow.

With my superior graphic design skills I have taken it upon myself to offer up a few suggestions. Feel free to vote on your favorite and perhaps offer up some suggestions of your own.

1: The JJ Putz

2: The Franco Harris

3: The Al Hrabosky

4: The Adam Morrison


longball said...

Oh that is some good photoshop work from a guy who is 3 sheets to the wind as you claim!

I gotta go with the Franco Harris which makes him look like the bad guy in Popeye. What was that guy's name? anyway, its mean.

I live on Capitol Hill in Seattle and can tell with certainty that option #3 could be misconstrued as a "different" brand of tough. He looks like a bouncer at the leather bar, Cuff. Not sure if that was what you were shooting for.

Sedihawk said...

I like the Franco, but maybe not quite as thick. Maybe just less stubble than full mountain man. But hey, whatever works for that kid is fine with me! Just keep making plays and hitting with his face.

Tough loss for them on Sunday. Yikes. And then to lose Mack for his career? The Aint's are winless and that scares me this weekend. Branch has already become a big factor on offense and they were pretty off without him. Let's hope they tweak some things and can get the W.