Friday, September 21, 2007

Just Don't Embarass Yourselves Baby!

Low blow, I know. Hey, nobody thought we stood a chance last year and we damn-near pulled it off, so you really just never know...

I just finished up my lunch of almonds and Cougar Gold Cheese... Today marks day 15 of the South Beach Diet "Phase 1". Phase 1 is where you eliminate almost all carbs from your diet. It lasts 2 weeks, so technically I could start phasing carbs back into my diet today; but since I've lost about 6 pounds I figured I'd hold off. Phase 2 kicks off tomorrow with a big-ass cheeseburger (no bun), a salad instead of fries ... and about 18 Miller Lites.

No keys to victory or anything like that but here are three things I'd love to see happen tomorrow:

1) A Cougar Victory. (duh)
2) Stay Healthy. (Do you get the feeling that Dobes is treating Pitoitua like that 1972 Datsun with 200,000 miles on it that your mom and dad bought you in high school? "I know it's not in perfect shape anymore, son; but it was free. Just drive it until the wheels fall off and maybe by that time you can afford that muscle car you want... Now, here's $8. Get your fat ass in your piece of shit little car and drive down to Super Cuts - you look like a fag with that long hair." I digress...
3) GET BETTER. You don't learn lessons and improve by going up against inferior competition.

Queue the music! ['Glory Days' plays softly in the background...]

Back in 1987 (Good GOD! That was 20 years ago!?), a struggling young center for the Fightin' Cougars of Bothell High was asked to stay after practice to "work on technique". This is how it went: Center snaps ball into his taint; then gets blasted by not one, but two all-conference defensive tackles. And so it went for an entire week of practice. The first day or two were ugly but by the end of the week, the young center with the billowing mullett was holding his own.

With our stable of stud receivers, we can only hope that Dobes and staff are putting our young DB's through the same type of workout every week. (Although it should be noted that despite the rigorous week of practice, the Bothell Cougs lost a tooth-and-nail battle on the road that Friday night to a juggernaut Interlake team led by All-Staters and future Huskies Mike Lustyk and Kevin Kearney and Nebraska-bound wideout Jon Bostick. The final score: 50-20.)

The epilogue to this little story is that the young center - indeed, a young McBoob - eschewed a walk-on opportunity to play "at the next level" for Western Washington University - for the opportunity to sneak baggies full of booze into Martin Stadium on Cougar Football Saturdays. Now one day into his 37th year on the big blue marble, Hooty lacks the capacity to remember a four-item grocery list but can recall useless tales of high school football with uncanny accuracy.

Cougs 20 - USC 50


longball said...

Ha, imy older brother was playing QB and safety for Pullman High about the same time and had to go against a fella from Cheney by the name of Steve. Steve Ehtman. yes THAT Steve Ehtman. So i am sure he can relate to your growing pains on the grid iron.

My own football career ended after a pathetic attemmt in 8th grade to follow in my older brother's footsteps at QB. I'll never forget taking my first snap from under center, from coach Merk who's balls were pretty much hanging down to his knees and as i VERY HESITANTLY put my hand between his legs he said "Son, you better get your damn hand up in there and leave em there till you have the ball or my wife will have your head!"

So, I have been shivering in a corner in the fetal position for the last 27 years.

longball said...

Sorry, more like 17 years. I'm not quite as old (or wise) as you guys.

Hooty McBoob said...

So that's the story behind "longball"... gross.

longball said...

pay the man, Shirley!

fortunately "longball" has nothing to do with mine, or anyone elses anatomy.

Anonymous said...

Yeah you only got to get into a game at QB because I was too sick to play. Maybe you were the one who poisoned my food. The only thing I hated about being sick was missing laughing at you play QB.
Ptowncoug out!

longball said...

Ha ha ha, it's true. Howdy Ptwoncoug, and thanks for giving me that forgettable opportunity oh so many years ago.

longball said...

Wow, Nebraska has been EXPOSED. USC's win last week just lost a lot of its luster.

I don't even know what to say about Louisville. wow.

Sedihawk said...

610 yards to Ball State? Ball STATE!?!? Longball, you ain't kiddin'. Nebraska is terrible.

Anonymous said...

this is so strange alice brink is shitting his pants.......hang on, no it isn't, he fucking sucks.

i hope sc scores 100. fuck it.

could fouts rout any harder for sc by the way? i fucking hate him too.

Sedihawk said...

Pretty impressed by someone who posts a bunch of f-bombs under an Anonymous login. I hope you are proud of yourself.

As for "Alice", get over the Brink bashing. It's been done so many different ways it's not even worth mentioning anymore. You're about two years too late.

Anonymous said...

I was a starter on that Interlake team my junior year... We went 10-1 and didn't make the playoffs. But we were ranked 7th in the nation by the sporting news.. Oh and by the way we kicked Bothell's ass my senior year too.:-)_